I recently went on a silent retreat and in that experience was able to see the mind with more clarity and witness how it organizes itself. Having had no distractions, plenty of time and a deep intention, a lot was revealed that I’d love to share here and see what may resonate with you in your own investigation.
I realized most thoughts have a common denominator; they seem to point back to a 'me' who is having them. The mind creates this character called 'me' and then more thoughts are believed about who this person is or isn’t. Whether that’s a good me or a bad me, we seemingly imprison ourselves by buying into these beliefs about who we think we are, which are ultimately limiting and not entirely true.
There was a realization that this sense of a 'me' or 'ego' maintains the illusion of itself by believing stories based on the past or future. It needs the mind to sustain itself; it also needs time, which is only in the mind. It can be quite powerful to notice what is actually here when you’re not referencing a past or projecting a future…to deeply and intimately discover this moment.
I was able to see that every story the mind tells is only appearing now. Even if the story is about the future like, “This is going to take forever!” it’s just one thought appearing now. In this same way, any story about who I think I am is also just one story appearing now. All it takes is seeing through the thought appearing in this moment to wake up from this sense of a separate self.
As soon as we identify as a separate character, there is this sense of incompleteness or lack that will always look to fill itself: to be, do or have more by searching somewhere other than here. This search will never end for the separate character because in identifying with a limited version of ourselves we mask our innate completeness. In a way, this search is a deeper calling back home to our true Selves.
When we stop to truly investigate what’s here in this moment, you may notice something more magical and ordinary than you ever thought.
What if it was never about more in the future: our careers, ourselves, our relationships? What if this whole search was what actually maintained this sense of separation and kept us away from the realization of a deeper truth?
Instead of using more words and thoughts to point to a deeper experience, I have created a guided meditation to slow this process down so you can inquire and find out for yourself. When you have a few minutes of uninterrupted time, I invite you to sit in silence, watch this video and discover what is true now.